I am compelled.

For Christ's love  compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all... that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again... God reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 2 Cor 5: 14-15,18-19.

These verses  aptly describe my own feelings.  I am compelled, something is driving me forward and I can do nothing less. If I have knowledge of the fear of the LORD, how can I not share it with others? 

The idea of reconciliation is exciting and awe-filled to me. Christ did not come just to help us escape judgment (just though judgment would be), upon receiving salvation we are not placed in a state of neutrality, but are brought into right relationship with God. What was irreparably broken has been overwhelmed by the blood of Christ. And, clothed in Christ Jesus, we stand before God - reconciled and confident (Heb. 10:19).

I look out into the world and see myriad broken relationships. Between friends, lovers, families. Between governments and their people, from nation to nation. All of these reflect the state of man's severed relationship with his God. This is so prevalent in Chicago. The murder count in January was 42. In a single month, a span of 31 days. This year I have felt overwhelmed by death, and long more deeply than ever for the return of my Lord. Come soon, Lord Jesus! I just want to go Home. But until that day, people still cry out, lash out, work out their wickedness and live out their broken relationship without God. I see young people, so many young people, angry, bitter, frightened, hurt, lonely. Trying to fix it, fill it, or make things right only makes things worse - drugs, violence, gangs, sex.  The hope, assurance and joy I have through Christ in a right standing with God - this must be shared. 

Death is a separation. And so, when we are spiritually dead, it is separation from God, a gap that we cannot even desire to cross without His leading. But He has given me life - union with Christ, reconciling me to himself. Those of us who live must no longer live for ourselves, but for him. And He has given us the ministry of reconciliation. I am compelled, controlled by Christ - I can do nothing less. I follow willingly, gladly, sometimes achingly. 

 I have so great a ministry, so great a message before me - God has directed me to share it alongside Inner City Impact with these broken urban youth. With so great a task before me, I can't be afraid to share it with other believers. Many are not able or led to devote the resources of time and presence, as He has called me to, but have other resources available to use in the ministry of reconciliation amidst the Chicago youth.  I can't be afraid to present this opportunity to others.

Can I?

Christ's love compels me.

This is why I go. Will you send me?

Sweeter than honey.

When I read God's Word, something stirs deep within my being. 

The words are sweet on my lips, warming my heart, flowing like music and poetry. My fingertips brush the page, tracing swirling patterns across the lines, lingering. This is my God. O, that all would know Him, would taste and see that my Lord is good! I wonder, do others treasure this as I do? Do my fellow brothers and sisters rest in the presence of their Lord? Are they moved by the sound of His words? Do they want to sing and dance and laugh with delight? Do they weep and tremble in sorrow and awe? 

Do you, beloved saints?

Or do you go about your lives, Christ carefully placed in the "Christian" corner of your thoughts, as you laugh at the cleverness of your wit, bemoan your circumstances, or drown your soul in your substance of choice? 

I, too, am so often distracted. I attempt to bury my fears and insecurities and sin and weariness in caffeine and sugar and fiction and people and busyness. I forget to turn to the words of my Lord, seeking Him for all I need. I am not on my own. I am not alone. 

He is waiting. Patient. Neglected. Forgiving. Calling out, whispering to us to slow down and remember. 

Remember.

Even as I settle down with this treasured Book, shameful of the days I have neglected it, my spirit stirs. I hurry on from chapter to chapter, I dwell for long moments on a single phrase; my soul has been starved and is eager to be revived. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly. Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. Be still and know that He is God.

I want to weep for those who do not know this. I mourn for the believer who misses the depths available to him through the leading of the Spirit. I long more than ever for those who come to ICI to know this joy. In my mind's eye, I see the faces of the kids I know at Inner City Impact and long to impart this to them. I long for them to know Christ and Him crucified, that they might taste the richness and sweetness of His word. 

"These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Them them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the door-frames of your houses and on your gates." - Deuteronomy 6:6-9

Is His Word ever before you? Teach your heart to desire it!

Words of the Psalmist, chapter 119.
 "How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!" v103.
 "I long for your salvation, O LORD, and your law is my delight" v 174
 "I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word" v 16.
 "How I long for your precepts! Preserve my life in your righteousness." v40. 

...Whose name is Jealous.

I am a Jealous God...

I never understood this. Isn't jealousy wrong? Why would something that is wrong for us be something that God claims as his name? I  came to understand that it meant He didn't want to share our attention, our worship. (Jealousy being different than envy, though we often use them interchangeably). But it still didn't sink in, it didn't change my view of Him.

But it dawned on me recently.

I can be a fairly jealous person. I am not proud of this. I felt jealous and territorial when my "brother floor" at Moody had girls from past floors come and sit with them.  I sometimes feel jealous when I am insecure in a friendship, afraid that they might like the other person better than me. And when a boy I like starts talking to another girl, I am sure she will win his attentions over me. This I must conquer - I don't always like to share the people on whom I feel I have a claim.

God does not want to share us. Unlike me, in my weak selfish claim on people, God has every right to demand our full attention - He formed us and He paid for us. So when we devote ourselves to other things or people, when we are distracted, by a job, the latest technology, a relationship, media - whatever - we are not giving God our undivided attention. He is not receiving our full worship and devotion. He is jealous for our attention, for us to look to Him and only to Him for joy, peace, satisfaction, provision, healing. He is jealous for us to seek the best in Him. He is jealous for us to give our all to Him. 

God's jealousy is different than ours. We often are jealous out of fear or weakness. And we rarely have the right to make such a claim on a person. Yet God is justly jealous - sometimes in anger, always in love - and He deserves our utmost. 

So when i choose to watch Star Trek over reading scripture and praying - God is jealous. 

When my thoughts are consumed with whichever young man that has caught my affections - God is jealous.

When I start to think hungrily of a job that would pay well, of gathering up riches and resources and establishing myself that I might have security and control in my life - God is jealous.

When I approach life seeking ways to make me happy - God is jealous.

I offend God. I deprive him of what is His. I tell Him He has to share me. 

Let this not be so.

Oh, that the Church would cease her obsession with petty distractions and seek His face! 

May our God whose name is Jealous have mercy on us.

Ex 20:5 "Do not make for yourself an idol... for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God

Ex 34: 14 "Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God.

Dt 4:24 "Be careful not to forget the covenant of the LORD your God that he made with you; do not make for yourselves an idol in the form of anything the LORD your God has forbidden. For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God.

Dt 6:15 "Do not follow other gods, the gods of the peoples around you; for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a jealous God and his anger will burn against you, and he will destroy you from the face of the land..."

Dt 32:21 "I will hide my face from them," he said, "and see what their end will be; for they are a perverse generation, children who are unfaithful. They made me jealous by what is not god and angered me with their worthless idols. I will make them envious by those who are not a people; I will make them angry by a nation that has no understanding."

Jos 24:19 "We too will serve the LORD, because he is our God. Joshua said to the people, 'You are not able to serve the LORD. He is a holy God; he is a jealous God. He will not forgive your rebellion and your sins. If you forsake the LORD and serve foreign gods, he will turn and bring disaster on you'...But the people said to Joshua, 'No! We will serve the LORD."

Eze 16 - Israel, a woman God rescued, clothed, and lavished favor on, prostitutes herself to other nations and the gods of other nations, giving that which God provided her with to them. God responds in jealous anger.

Eze 36:6 "Therefore prophesy concerning the land of Israel and say to the mountains and hills, to the ravines and valleys: 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says: I speak in my jealous wrath because you have suffered the scorn of the nations. Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I swear with uplifted hand that the nation around you will also suffer scorn."  --This seems to be protective jealously directed at others - Do not harm my people, they are MINE - 

Joel 2:18 "Even now, declares the LORD, return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning... The the LORD will be jealous for his land and take pity on his people." -- again, protective jealousy, as in, leave them, they are mine - ?

Na 1:2 "The LORD is a jealous and avenging God; the LORD takes vengeance and is filled with wrath. The LORD takes vengeance on his foes and maintains his wrath against his enemies. The LORD is slow to anger and great in power; the LORD will not leave the guilty unpunished. His way is in the whirlwind and the storm, and clouds are the dust of his feet."

Zeph 3:8 "'But they were still eager to act corruptly in all they did. Therefore wait for me,' declares the LORD, 'for the day I will stand up to testify. I have decided to assemble the nations, to gather the kingdoms and to pour out my wrath on them - all my fierce anger. The whole world will be consumed by the fire of my jealous anger. Then will I purify the lips of the peoples, that all of them may call on the name of the LORD and serve him shoulder to shoulder.'"

Zec 1:14 "Then the angel who was speaking to me said, 'Proclaim this word: This is what the LORD Almighty says: 'I am very jealous for Jerusalem and Zion, but I am very angry with the nations that feel secure.''"

Zec 8:2 "Again the word of the LORD Almighty came to me. This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her.""

2 Co 11: 2 "I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him. But I am afraid that just as Eve was deceived by the serpent's cunning, your minds may somehow be led astray from your sincere and pure devotion to Christ. For if someone comes to you and preaches a Jesus other than the Jesus we preached, or if you receive a different spirit from the one you received, or a different gospel from the one you accepted, you put up with it easily enough..."