Friday, February 21, 2014

Psalm 77: When the past brings truth.

Psalm 77
I cried out to God for help;
I cried out to God to hear me.
When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
  at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned;
I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
You kept my eyes from closing;
I was too troubled to speak.
I thought about the former days, the years of long ago.
I remembered my songs in the night
My heart mused and my spirit inquired:

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? 
Has God forgotten to be merciful?
Has he in anger withheld his compassion?"

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal:
  the years of the right hand of the Most High."
I will remember the deeds of the LORD,
  yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
I will meditate on all your works 
  and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
You are the God who performs miracles;
  you display your power among the peoples.
With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed;
  the very depths were convulsed.
The clouds poured down water,
  the skies resounded with thunder;
  you arrows flashed back and forth.
Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
  your lightning lit up the world;
  the earth trembled and quaked.
Your path led through the sea,
  your way through the mighty waters,
  though your footprints were not seen.

You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron. 


It's been a while since I've been so distressed. But I remember it. I remember being like the psalmist, with an ache so deep you can't even talk about it, and emptiness that nothing seems to fill. Where are you, God? 
The Psalmist lies awake at night, so very troubled. Looking back, he once sang with joy, but now sees only his troubles, and despairs. Will the Lord always reject me? Will I never see his favor again?  Will his unfailing love fail? Have his everlasting promises died out? This God who delights in mercy, did he just forget to be merciful? 

How many times have I secretly doubted? When I take the time to give voice to the unsettledness, the disquiet in my spirit, I realize I am afraid that it won't all work out. That there will not be healing and reconciliation, that God will not forgive, that He will not bring to completion the calling he has given. "Ok God, I'm here, now what? Will you just abandon me? Maybe you won't forgive this time. Maybe you've handed us over to the enemy and forgotten about us. Maybe you've set forth this task but won't help me finish it."

The Psalmist's answer is not, "Look, I've served him faithfully, I deserve all these things! I deserve his favor, his love, his mercy, his compassion." It's, "Let me take another look at what he has done." How can I know that God will be who he says he is? I can remind myself that he has already proved it, again and again. Is God faithful? Yes! He always has been! Will God show his favor again? Yes! He did before, time and again. Does God stay his anger and show compassion? Over and over again!  

Right now I am in a period of waiting. The days stretch out long before me yet still fly by, and there is only so much I can do. But even for what I can do, I am often overcome by fear. I secretly think that God won't provide. He won't see me through the support raising process, I'll never get to work with the kids at ICI, to do what he called me to do. I fear that this person I'm about to call or meet with will feel burdened and annoyed by me. God certainly won't speak to them or provide for them to be part of my ministry. I have probably angered him with my sin, he won't show favor until I make up for it. Yet as soon as I put words to those thoughts, they are revealed as ridiculous lies. Of course I know that God provides! He has done so for his people throughout history, for my family over the decades, and for me in the past year! Of course if I believe he can lead and speak to me and provide for my ministry, then he can also lead others to take part and provide for them to do so! Look how many times he has done so up 'til now. And if his favor and forgiveness were based on my deserts, I would be lost. But they are based on his love and his character, not on me at all. I can look to the past, both near and far, to allay my fears and find hope. 

What do you need to be reminded of? What has God done in your life or shown you in Scripture that can put to rest the fears and lies that disquiet your soul?



The person I used to be.

“We all change, when you think about it. We’re all different people all through our lives. And that’s OK, that’s good, you gotta keep movin...